This year has been one where I am unsure of every choice I make.

I kept telling myself that I wouldn’t talk about this on my blog cause I didn’t want to make such a big deal of it that it had to be something written on a blog, out in the complete public. But it has been tearing me up.

Being 6 1/2 hours away from home is hard. Being away from my family is hard. Being a 5 1/2 hour drive away from my boyfriend is hard. And most of the time, I cry about it.

I want to be closer to home. Don’t get me wrong. I love Oklahoma. I love all of the friends that I have met here and I adore Kappa. I love this campus and I love getting to represent my Sooners.

But I feel as though I am not complete here. At any college, there is loneliness, but sometimes I feel like here it is multiplied to an extreme.

I applied to Texas A&M in February and 2 weeks ago, I got in! I got into a school that I truly never knew I loved til this year. My boyfriend goes there and 3 of my best friends in the entire world are there. My people. The people I have grown up with are all there.

I am so unsure of what the right decision for me is. I have a plan here… for my education and I know exactly what I am supposed to do here. But at A&M, there are so many unanswered questions that I am truly so unsure of. Where will I live? What friend group will I be in? Am I only wanting to transfer because I have a boyfriend there?? Obviously Preston, my boyfriend, is such a huge factor, but truly, I think I just want to be closer to home.

A&M is an hour and a half drive away from my house. Isn’t that nuts? That is so close to home. And I truly think that one reason I want to go closer to home is because of my brother.

My brother is my world and I would do absolutely anything to make that boy happy. I want to be there to go to his lacrosse games and as he is about to enter high school, I want to be there for him. My sister and I are gone and he is all alone there… I want to be there.

I am still so unsure of my decision. Every day the decision ways heavy on my heart. One day I have decided to transfer and another I tell myself that I need to stay here.

I just hope that there will be something that will 100% give me confidence in where I am going.

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