Let It Be Me

Let It Be Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LWpw3CMCEg

I have always struggled with comparisons. I am truly so horrible to my own self esteem.

I’ve grown up in the shadows of my older sister as well as the past of my family. My sister is truly one of the prettiest people I have ever seen, and it has always been so difficult having to face that she is the “prettier” sister. It sucks cause the only thing that I truly have over her is my grades. She is the one who always had boyfriends and was the fun sister that wasn’t scared to do anything that could possibly get her in trouble.

Truly, that is what I have struggled with so much in this life… succumbing to comparisons and thinking that no matter what, I can’t be the best at anything… and as Ray LaMontagne’s song says… I just want it to be me for once. I want to be chosen once for who I truly am.

Although I am so blessed right now with an amazing boyfriend who I love and who I know loves me so much, it is still difficult. I can never stop comparing myself to my sister. She does face her own trials, but it is still so difficult because she always gets it done with a smile on her face.

Currently she is facing a lot and truly all I want to do is be there for her. But something that I am grateful that I have overcome and dealt with is my father’s death. My sister is still so unforgiving of our dad because he killed himself. She still believes that he chose to leave us. And it is so difficult because she just doesn’t seem to understand the depression he is in.

This is one of the few times that I feel as though I have done better than my sister. Yes, this does sound terrible. But I understand my dad and I understood where he came from.

Sometimes though, I just cry about how I wish people would choose me. You can’t be chosen because you understand your dad’s death. I just want to be understood and occasionally be someone’s first choice.

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